About Phil and his work
Why do I do this work?
Hi, I’m Phil and I’m The Loneliness Guy.
I’m passionate about de-stigmatising loneliness and creating a safe space for gay men to authentically connect with themselves, those people around them and their communities.
Loneliness - especially chronic loneliness - is an awful feeling. I’ve battled, and continue to battle at times, with feelings of loneliness and I know how wretched and unworthy it can make us feel.
I know that loneliness affects so many gay men globally. But there’s such stigma in admitting our loneliness and we often deny the thoughts and feelings that come with loneliness and hope that they’ll just go away. They don’t.
The antidote to loneliness is connection. Humans are social creatures. We need connection for our mental, emotional and physical wellness. But connection – authentic connection – is hard work, especially when we’re all so busy or we don't even know how to connect with each other.
Instead, we settle for likes on social media, Grindr hookups or texts. But that’s not connection; it's too passive. Connection requires us to do.
Thank you for coming to my site, especially if you're a gay man who's just admitted to yourself that you're lonely.
I’ve been where you are. I’ve found out that the only way through loneliness is to reconnect with myself and then seek real connection to others and to the wider world.
I know a way forward to getting the connection you crave. Let’s go together.
Learn more about me below.
So that's me. I have a question for you now:
Why are you here?
Do you struggle with feelings of isolation and a lack of real connection, even if you're in a relationship? Do you have hundreds, or even thousands, of friends and followers online but feel like no one knows you? Is there someone who you know you could call (on the phone) and share your deepest fears and know that they'll listen to you without judgement? Do you feel like you're wearing a mask or like you're an actor in your own life? Do you feel pressure to project a certain image of yourself into the world and are tired of feeling like a fake and a fraud?
Somewhere in the cycle of being all the different versions of you for everyone in your life, have you forgotten how to be you?
Perhaps you're struggling with vices or an addiction. Are you using drugs, alcohol, sex (including porn), gambling, shopping, travel, work, gossip, fitness and/or idle scrolling of social media to feel some kind of connection in your life?
Perhaps you're looking to fill the void of what's missing in your life with someone or something that's doing you physical, mental or emotional harm.
Do you grow tired of the pace of life? Do you yearn for more connection; more time with friends and family? Do you yearn for more real and less fake in interactions? Do you want less busyness, less stuff and more simplicity? Do you know where to start?
Are you thinking of doing anything to break out of the rut you’re in and stop feeling so disconnected and awful?
Do you feel like you're the only person thinking these thoughts and feeling these feelings and everyone else has their shit sorted?
If these words resonated, you may be feeling the absence of connection to yourself, to those around you and your community.
As hard as it might be to read this: you're experiencing loneliness. But by virtue of being here, I feel you may already suspect that you are.
You've come to the right place and I'm proud of you for navigating your way to this point of the internet. Together, we're going to de-stigmatise loneliness and promote authentic connection with ourselves, those around us and our communities.
I'm here to help. I've been where you are and know a way forward. You're not alone anymore.
Now, come read my blog or let me help you through
your loneliness by staying connected to my work.